somehow, the more embarrassing question - the one that gets Nero flustered most, that gets the back of his hand over his mouth and half his face, gaze falling away. The self-punishing part of him tells him he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve hearing it again, not the way Brad says it so fondly, so earnestly, so sincerely. The bitter part of him remembers the word as a shackle and a millstone; the guilty part of him wants Brad to berate him instead.
But the part of him that's always missed Brad remains, as has the part that's always loved him and what they used to be, before it all went sour.
He could protest. He has, all this time. But aren't things different now? Brad has the reigns; Brad owns his promise, and he could do whatever he wants with Nero. That's what Nero tells himself; that's how he rationalizes it.
Because he's afraid of saying yes. Because he's afraid of being so eager to jump right back to his same mistake, and tread the same path again - Brad always almost dead. But he doesn't have a choice, does he? (Or so he tells himself, again.)
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that's
somehow, the more embarrassing question - the one that gets Nero flustered most, that gets the back of his hand over his mouth and half his face, gaze falling away. The self-punishing part of him tells him he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve hearing it again, not the way Brad says it so fondly, so earnestly, so sincerely. The bitter part of him remembers the word as a shackle and a millstone; the guilty part of him wants Brad to berate him instead.
But the part of him that's always missed Brad remains, as has the part that's always loved him and what they used to be, before it all went sour.
He could protest. He has, all this time. But aren't things different now? Brad has the reigns; Brad owns his promise, and he could do whatever he wants with Nero. That's what Nero tells himself; that's how he rationalizes it.
Because he's afraid of saying yes. Because he's afraid of being so eager to jump right back to his same mistake, and tread the same path again - Brad always almost dead. But he doesn't have a choice, does he? (Or so he tells himself, again.)
He mutters: )
... If that's what you want us to be.